Dog Diary
- 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
- 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
- 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
- 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
- 12:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
- 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
- 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
- 5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
- 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
- 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with people! My favorite thing!
- 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Cat Diary
- DAY
752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and
I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my
contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat
something in order to keep up my strength.
- DAY
753 - The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the
mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
- DAY
754 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet
while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of
the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors,
I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair ... must
try this on their bed.
- DAY 755
- Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving,
incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to
make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into
their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little
cat I was ... Bastards!
- DAY
756 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I
was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a
burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent
such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck
between my teeth.
- DAY 757 -
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and
smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More
importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of
"allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage
...
- DAY 758 - I am convinced
the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is
routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously
a half-wit. The Bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He
has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak)
and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move.
Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.
But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.
- DAY
759 - The horrors! The worse creature my captors could have devised to
torment me with was another hideous cat! I cannot stand the way it lies
around and looks at me as if it knows more than I do. This creature
seems to despise me as much as I it. I had held out a passing notion
that another of my own kind would have enabled me to conspire against
the villains who hold me; now I see that I was wrong. What a dreadful
creature! Yet, they coo over us both. Can they not spot my innate
superiority?
- DAY 760 - The
other cat and I, though we cannot stand one another, have yet managed
to both pee copiously behind the couch, on the so-called "shag" carpet.
- DAY
761 - The wardens take much interest in our waste. They make sure they
sift through the sand and pick it all out. Their interest in waste does
not surprise me. After all, they like the dog.
- DAY
762 - The other cat seems to have an interest in copulation, which
(thank them for their sadism) my captors will soon "fix". Told him of
the fingernail torture and he did not even believe me. I showed him my
mutilated paws and he gasped in horror.
